The other day, an o-so-obvious(to me) comment was made to me on one of my journal entries, made by someone whom is a secondary in a relationship.

Anyways, the comment that caught my attention was "I am interested in the "Being #1/Primary as its so difficult to be the person who walks into a relationship with this rule set."  I then commented back "I believe everyone deserves to be someone else #1/Primary, but I also don't see that need to exclude others"

If someone so desires to be a Primary (phrased that that way as I see it there may be those that do not), I so hope they can find the 1 person who can fulfill that need for them.  And as I've mentioned in earlier posts, I also don't believe any 1 person can possibly be everything to 1 other person.  So, that is I believe is how I got here.

I think its greatly important to be true to ones own needs, because if you are not, how can you begin to meet someone else's needs?  If the need/want/desire to have/be a Primary exists (it does for the Vixen and I), by all means the person who can be that should be sought out.  But I believe being a Primary requires great responsibility to be true to ones Significant Other and inherently know and accept that neither of you are or can be everything to the other and that fact does not diminish the value of that bond.  But instead leaves room for personal and joint growth, and quite possibly the potential inclusion of those who might be Secondaries.

Me, I have, and am a Primary, that obviously would be the Vixen and I would be hers.  I wouldn't trade the Vixen for the world nor would she trade me, we know that world well.  I've not ever been a secondary, so I can't speak from experience.  But I can see the unique benefits that can come to each position held by each and every person, primary or secondary, or ?? in a relationship.

What does it take to make it all work, I'm hardly one to know, but, I can surely guess exactly the same things it takes when there are just 2, Trust, Respect, and Caring, because without those, it would seem someone is being subversive, controlling, or manipulative, and none of those are good options in ANY relationship, regardless of the dynamics.

It was a casual evening, no big discussions going on, but, some quiet chat at bedtime.

The Vixen and I were talking and after some brief banter I asked if she was really comfortable with all this.  She said yeah, and I said really, because I need to know, I don't ever want you to feel unloved, or insecure, or unwanted...I really need you to tell me if anything is making you uncomfortable, insecure, or jealous so we can work it out.  She promised to always talk to me if something was bothering her.

I am so very Lucky.

I have some things to do on my revisit list, but all is well being at this place right now, and that is good.

In my last post, I touched on the impossibility of being everything to someone else, and how people (can) enrich the lives of others.

So, I'm chatting with a friend the other day, one of those seemingly pointless philosophical discussions, but, it occurred to me how I see this whole relationship thing, and why the Vixen brings so much to my life, but, still not everything, and thats ok.

Some basic premises, and in the sense of 'basic', I see these to be 'truths' in the simple form.

You have needs unique to yourself. (We all want/need certain things)
You have a lot to give, but someone has to accept it. (You can't give something to someone who doesn't want it)
You can't take anything. (You can't make someone do/be something they are not for you)

Ok then.  Buckets, or what have you, but buckets are what popped into my mind.  Buckets are your wants and needs, they come in varying sizes, and sometimes you trade them our for bigger or smaller ones, get new ones, toss out old ones, they all leak, and some can't actually be filled (could you ever get enough love), and some you fill to fast (how much hate do you accept, if you accept any, you got a bucket for it).

I'll expound on buckets later, but think about it, what are your buckets, who is adding to them, and who's are adding to.  After all, if someone is in your life at all, they are adding something to yours, and if you aren't adding to theirs, how can you expect them to stay around.

So, the Vixen fills so many of my buckets, like I hope I do for her, but, like I said, she doesn't add to all of them, and it would be unrealistic for me to expect her to, did I mention I golf and that she doesn't which is fine, I have friends that golf.  Make sure you are putting the right stuff in the buckets of the people in your life.